a lot. yknow what/who i'm talking about. i mean duh. my head practically screams his name. i hate this. i hate thinking about him. yknow, things like that? i want to get rid of his name in my head this summer. and i don't actually know if i'll hope or wish not to see him at  school next school year. yknow, i might get what i actually wanted and regret it in the end. now i don't want that to happen. so si God na lang bahala if we'll still see each other next school year. but yknow, i gave him a letter, which i thought was my last, and it practically screams na pinapaalis ko na xa sa davao for next school year. bahaha. XD

back to topic. anyway, i've been trying to get that bastard. lolx. i kid. that guy out of my head since we got back here at cotabato. kasi, i can't believe myself that for the four hour travel back to cotabato, there was not a single minute that he left my mind. i mean literally. i'm insane. i know. and i hate this. i don't want this. it's not healthy.

anyway, yes, he did changed my life. yknow, before, i HATE and i do mean HATE screamos. i mean, i just can't stand them. and heavy rock and yknow, super maingay na songs. but he digs those kind of music. and i can't believe myself that now, i'm actually listening to these songs. i don't actually love them but i don't hate them now. it's amazing because i usually seldom change. yknow. 

he taught me, though not obviously, to wait. to give it all and wait. to not get too attached. to not communicate often. i don't know if that's right or wrong. he taught me to be better, actually. to take sarcasms and to laugh off jokes and silly comments about myself. he taught me to lighten up and laugh amidst hardships. he taught me to appreciate a totally different genre of music. he taught me a lot. and i thank him for that. too bad he can't read this post though. i don't even know if he knows my blog. 

so yeah, this one's a tribute to him. i've been missing him badly but yknow, he ended our "what-could-be's" so i should not communicate with him--except to ask him about techy stuff..cause yknow, he's good at computers or something whereas i'm a lame troubleshooter when it comes to computers.

Gosh. i must really love him eh? ewww. bahaha. i think i do. the moment the priest told in one sermon "if you really love me, you would want my happiness" i knew that i love him. because for the many letters that i gave him (oo na, call me whatever you want because i give letters to him. that's one of the reasons why i doubt my gender. lol), i always, always tell him that i want his happiness more than ever...if he's happy to study somewhere else, then, i'd be very sad but be very glad to know that he'll get what he wants. i mean, yknow these stuff? it's cheesy and korni but hey, that's me. same thing goes to my friends--i want what is right and what makes them happy. it kills me inside to see him....to see him suffering ;)

props to him, he made me quite a better person. and yknow, i studied how to play his favorite song on guitar. but i never played it to him personally. i don't have the courage and i have not mastered it yet. lol. if only he knew how much sacrifice it is for me. to change. to adjust. i mean, the person i am now is a changed one, yknow. when it comes to corny stuff, i changed. if only he knew how special he is (special child. XD) if only he knew how much he means to me. if only he knew how willing i am to change for him. if only he knew how hard it is for me. if only he knew...if only...if..

ahaii...iba kasii xa. i don't know how to deal with him...ahaii. sige lang. we'll be third year (di xa kasali kung mag shift xa. bahaha) next school year bb. :)) and we'll be busy. so hopefully, this busy academic life would put him out of my mind. ;)

just don't let me be alone most of the times..that's when all memories of him floods my mind. bahaha. i'm looking forward to a fresh new 'start' next school year. if you know what i mean. ;)

ciao. cheers!

.gly.

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