Today, I shall be making a list of the things that I am most thankful of, I regretted the most and pinakpinaghihinayangan ko which made me say ‘sayang’ almost all of the time.

Okaaaiii. These are the things I did that I deeply regret (may include events of previous year(s) XD)

First, I regret that I didn’t show “liit” how much I love him (that time lang). maybe that’s one of the reasons why he opted to go to his crush who is making paramdam din. I regret it because I lost him because of my own doing. Sometimes, I ask myself what would happen if only I’ve shown him how much I loved him. But it was too late. The time that I decided to do so, he already had commitments with his crush that time. And so, I am lame. XD

The thing I regret the most was loving j. no need to put codenames here. He wouldn’t read this anyway. But yes, I regret loving him. I wouldn’t say that I regret meeting him because that would be way too oa. Though there are times that I wished I never knew him. I say that I regret it because for me, it’s the stupidest thing I did. I’m an imbecile in trusting him. I point a gun straight at my chest and put it in his hand, placing his finger on the trigger and trusting him not to pull it. But alas, I was caught off guard and he pulled it, almost instantly killing me. Seriously, I regret it. I regret coming after him. I regret crying for countless nights because of him. I regret thinking that he would be my first and will be my last. I regret thinking of ‘our’ future. I regret dreaming that one day we would live together as one. I regret dreaming of the day I would answer his courting. I regret trusting that his love would last till the end. I regret investing too much on him. I regret destroying that barrier I’ve made to protect myself from men, all because of him. I regret making myself vulnerable to him. I regret opening my heart for him. I regret it especially during the early months of school—wherein he wouldn’t communicate with me and I’m just telling myself absurd excuses as to why he wouldn’t communicate. I regret giving myself false hopes. I wish I just ended it right then and there when he lied to me. I regret giving him countless chances to NOT lie to me. I regret it when I didn’t get rid of his good image even if he already lied to me more than twice. I regret believing in his stupid lies and his stupid excuses saying all of these are for our good. I regret wasting my time on him. I regret giving up our friendship for nothing. I regret sacrificing for nothing. I even regret memorizing his number. Hahaha. Di ko tuloy makalimutan. XD I regret praying to God for ‘us’. So yeah, I regret loving him—biggest mistake (yet).

I also regret not doing my best in everything I’ve got. I regret having this devil-may-care-attitude.

Next, the things that made me say ‘sayang’:

First, still, me and j’s friendship. When he left me, of course I felt bad. But I thought that I might as well save our friendship (because there’s still that friendship between me and ‘liit’ and between me and ‘hydro’). But yknow, a friendship won’t work if I’M the ONLY one who’s making an effort in building it. I get tired too yknow. So I decided to terminate our friendship as well. I don’t regret doing so because I know that I saved myself a HUGE amount of effort. But now, I’m still saying ‘sayang’ because I know we could have had a beautiful friendship (given that I didn’t let myself fall inlove with him)—just like my friendship with the other kakosa members. I really don’t like it when a friendship terminates. Kasi kahit for 2 months lang yun, may pinagsamahan din kayo diba? Kaya sayang. Sayang tlga.

Another is the wasted time. Sayang tlga. Kasi I could have been productive or could have rested well. But I did nothing. These are the times na naga tanga lang ako, daydreaming or rereading the things na parang 3 times ko na na reread. Hahaha. I could have done so much, but I didn’t. so sayang.

Then, may mga times na sayang din everytime I didn’t do my best. I mean, okay man ba, pero yknow, the fact that you can do so much better if only you’ve exerted more effort, if only you’ve done your best, if only you’ve studied harder. Pero ang katamaran ang palaging nananalo. And that ma(enye)ana habit gud. I want to eradicate it pero I find it really hard. So it will take a really long time for me bago ko mabago ang aking habit.

Then, these are the things that I’m really thankful of:

Unahin ko na si ‘ballpen’ ha? J thankful ako ke ballpen. Kahit alam kong hindi ganun ka sure ang love nya sa akin. Thankful ako kasi God gave me my ‘ballpen’ to ease out every pain that I’m going through. To always make me laugh. At kahit Malabo ang ‘kami’ sa future (that, of course, still depends on him), I still appreciate him now—he’s one of the most important things that I’ve got for now. basta, eto, di na to laro, di na to biro when I say I love my ballpen. Bahala na hindi nya ako love balik. Bahala na. I don’t know kung anong ek.ek nanaman ang pinasukan ko. Hahaha. i’m quite sure na I’ll be hurt in the end pero sige na lang. at least, now, wala akong masisi when that dreaded time comes. Kung ma hurt man ako sa huli, it’s all my fault. Kasi alam kong ‘dangerous yung waters pero nag sail pa rin ako’. hahaha. gahi jud ulo. LOSER, I LOVE YOU. HALAKADA. XD

Then, I’m thankful for my FRIENDS. As in REAL friends tlga…those who helped me overcome my difficult situation. Aside from God, kayo lang ang nagtulong sa akin ma revive back to life (especially you, ballpen). I don’t know how I would survive such heartache and pain without my friends by my side. Kaya I’m thankful for protective friends, I’m thankful for friends who gave me great advices. Kahit yung simple encouraging words lang. I’m endlessly thankful for supportive friends and for the people who are always, always there.

Thank you for giving me a great year friends. Yknow who you are. And I LOVE YOU ALL J

I am also thankful that God did not let me jump into what I feel for ‘hydro’ during summer last year. Hahaha. I thank God that we remained friends. I also thank God the me and ‘liit’ are still friends J yey.

I am also thankful for the gift of money. I don’t have a lot of money but I say I have a few. Enough for my appetite and enough for my needs. I am thankful to God because he gave me such blessings.

I am thankful for the gift of life, education, music, independence and trust from my parents.

I am thankful because even though it’s a whirlwind of events this year, God still continues to give me a reason or two to smile. He never ceases to throw challenges at me to shape me to be a better person. And if I don’t become one, He continues to give some more. I thank God because He always gives me lessons and realizations that I can use in life. I am thankful for the blessing of a somewhat ‘optimistic’ mind. I thank God that I still continue to live even though there are times that my insides are slowly dying. I thank God because I know He has given me with so much. And I thank Him for revealing Himself in unique and marvelous ways. God is really great and good. His almightiness never ceases. J Amazing jud ka God. Amen.

And now, of course my mga gusto rin akong baguhin.

Gusto ko nang hindi na ako ma late. Hahahaha. XD

I want to be a better person. A better friend for my friends, a better daughter for my mother, a better ate to my brother, a better student, a better someone for my special someone. Wahahaha.

I also want to be better in playing guitar and I want to learn to play a lot of instruments. Wahahaha.

Tama pla, listahan pa ng mga bibigyan ko ng gifts (for next year)

Sai, kwen, ate kim, ken (xmas)

Rich, lady, tianne (xmas AT bday)

Emi (bday)

Me nakalimutan ba ako? sabihan lang ako ha? Tnx J

Wala na akong masabi. Magblog na lang ako later. Maybe more on my problems about my ballpen—cause yes, I still do have problems about him but I can’t really ‘sumbat’ it in his face. I have no right. I know where to park, I know the line, I know the limitations. I have to control myself. Even though masakit—masakit tlga. Hahaha..ayay. drama. Ngilngig. XD ewan ko, hindi ko na alam kung mag pa ‘sweet2’ ako saknya, baka mapalaw lang ako. hahaha..

p.s. GREAT debut party greysh ^^

Love,love

GLY (yung mga big letter J jan, kay smiley dapat yan. XD)

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