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welcome to my blog :)) ♥ || blogs for the sake of blogging || enjoys free writing so say hi to grammatical errors ^-^|| blessed to have an amazing best friend, ENNA CYMBELINE GLANG TATO ♥♥ ♥♥ her much.much ^-^ || and a kickass bartender best friend, LORENZO MIGUEL SALAZAR || "busy" but tries to update|| not a fashionista || free-spirited || ♥ laugh || ♥ having fun || ♥ colors || ♥ NBA || ♥ outdoor activities|| ♥TRIMMOC (Tribung MIndanaw Mountaineering Club) Member|| get a glimpse of my twisted mind through my posts || future chemical engineer || ultimately in love with FOOD || chef in the making || will save lives in the future || ♥ life and ultimately, i want to be FOREVER YOUNG ♥
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TALK.

♘♔ confused.

Monday, March 8, 2010 @ 2:53 PM

i am confused on what to feel today. i feel irritated at the thought that nag-away nanaman kami. one of those petty fights that we have. i can't blame him. he had a bad day. his exams went wrong, i mean, they were bad. and i'm in no mood to be softie right now. i don't know why. maybe i'm just tired of school works, then, exams coming and i have absolutely no idea about them, plus we have this research paper whatever that needs to be done on wednesday. we haven't made an interview questionnaire yet, we haven't had our interview yet and we haven't interpreted it yet.. so tomorrow, i'm like a superwoman or something. i have to do all of those AND study for our exams on wednesday. it's like, only tuesday has no exams. the rest of the week have. i'm gonna be killed.

but of course i'm exaggerating. i still don't know what to feel. i feel tired because i woke up at around 2.30 to do this filipino thing and i slept last night at around 11 pm or so. i am dead tired. really. i'm the type of person who needs to have enough rest.

plus, i feel hungry because i only ate cheesebread worth 10php for this day. i left my wallet and tinatamad akong kunin yun. plus, i have no more money left. i don't want to tell my mom that because i know she spent too much on my allowance. plus, i haven't paid the dorm yet, for summer's due. i am bankrupt. and the reason for that bankruptcy is...okay, i won't tell you that now.

so today, i am hungry, tired, irritated, a little bit sweaty (from the sun of course. it's damn hot here where i sit to have this wifi thing. ) and i don't know what to do.

you see, i should be doing drafts of sample survey questionnaires and print them the next day and have multiple copies of it. but i guess laziness is dawning upon me and i have no will power to do it.
actually, i am also torn between continuing this, going back to the dorm, or going after him. but i guess i'm too lazy to do the dorm and going after him thing. so, i'm stuck here, in this hot place, with an empty stomach.

life is difficult without money, yknow. i mean, i know you already know that. but right now, i actually felt like i'm really kawawa. i mean, i know it's bad to pity yourself and such but...i'm saving my money for something. i'd rather not say this thing here.

and you know why i feel irritated, it's because he wasn't able to answer welll because he is sleepy. my gad! what am i going to do? i can't really slap it to his face that he was the one who is to be blamed. i mean, it's not forever na may kasama xa. he has to live out of his comfort zone. i mean, he was too damn scared to sleep in his room because he has no companion. i mean, HE DID THAT LAST SEM. when miko found another place to stay in. he was alone and he was able to sleep. sheeezzzz...but i do know that he knows those things. and if i raise that point to him, he would just be angry and pity himself more. that's why i just said nothing.
i do hope that he knows what were his faults. and i do hope that that one exam taught him that lesson. i do hope that next time, he would do better on his studies and excel in them. i do hope that next time, he would learn to live out of his comfort zone and face the reality that life would always offer you every comfort that you want. that sometimes, you have to be flexible to things. that YOU are the one who needs to adjust to a given situation. that YOU have to learn to face your fears so that those will not hinder you of your fullest potentials. i do hope that he knows all of that by now.
i know he is a man of good reasons and i know that he is mature enough to know what were his faults that lead to those kind of things.

*deep breath, exhale*
i finally let it out, well mostly. the rest are still left unsaid and my mind is still formulating new yawyaws in my mind.

i just pray for longer patience and an understanding mind. maybe i have to understand him now. he's going through tough times. but he's not the only one who is.

he's not the only one who has money problems. he's not the only one who has grade problems. all of us have. *sigh*

i do hope that this time, i would understand him. as i always have. i do hope that this time, i could bring myself to face him and say sorry again. but i do doubt if i can tell him all the things i said.

but i know, he is a good guy. i know deep within him that he is. i know that he is responsible enough, that he is mature enough to make 'bawi'. and i'm not changing him into the person i want him to be. i've accepted him as he is but i do think that some changes won't hurt.

i never really yawyaw-ed since he did his little mistakes. i can never bring it up to him. i don't want to scold him. i'm not his mom. his mom is there to scold him. it's his mom's job, not mine. i'll just try to tell him these things in the nicest way i can. in the most patient and calmest way i can.

i do hope i can do this.

and i do hope that i can make bawi to my grades. i do hope for a better grade, for a better me.

i do hope i can finish the tasks i'm supposed to do. i hope i can balance my time. i just hope.

cge, i have to do sample questionnaires pa AND i have to go back to the dorm. i have no money left. :(

please pray for me. will you? please?

remember,

God Loves You (GLY xxxx)

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