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welcome to my blog :)) ♥ || blogs for the sake of blogging || enjoys free writing so say hi to grammatical errors ^-^|| blessed to have an amazing best friend, ENNA CYMBELINE GLANG TATO ♥♥ ♥♥ her much.much ^-^ || and a kickass bartender best friend, LORENZO MIGUEL SALAZAR || "busy" but tries to update|| not a fashionista || free-spirited || ♥ laugh || ♥ having fun || ♥ colors || ♥ NBA || ♥ outdoor activities|| ♥TRIMMOC (Tribung MIndanaw Mountaineering Club) Member|| get a glimpse of my twisted mind through my posts || future chemical engineer || ultimately in love with FOOD || chef in the making || will save lives in the future || ♥ life and ultimately, i want to be FOREVER YOUNG ♥
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TALK.

♘♔ *some text missing*

Monday, January 19, 2009 @ 9:48 PM

can't think of anything to say. i've been back after a long [well, for me it is] ...

unahin ko today..

well, this day is really. really annoying.. *sigh*
for the many things that run in my head, i don't know how to get these thoughts organized and how to make them appear as if they have sense or something

i'm filled with irritation. irritation and irritation

my day was supposed to be fun

but someone, let's name him, pg [uh, no enna and larick, not the pg we're talking about way back in third year]. anyway, even though i'll give him a codename here, you'll soon learn who he is otherwise.

this concerns about one person: nightmare
ever since the whole class learned about me, crushing on nightmare, my life has been, well, a dreadful NIGHTMARE..blame my third year self. if i haven't been too OA bout nightmare now, maybe i'll enjoy the subtler staring at him..but no, i don't. because of that, i'm bound not to look at him or i'll get teases everywhere.
ever since EVERYONE AT CLASS knew, they've been teasing me like hyenas or something. well, i'm not really pikon or what...i even laugh with them..sinasakyan ko lang though i'm really.really naiiinis deep inside. and anyway, what's the point of throwing tantrums? they're not gonna stop anyway. so, even if i'm feeling bad, dinadaan ko na lang sa tawa at sakay sa jokes nila...kahit minsan, nakakapikon nah.
well, for me, okay lang man din tuyaan. it's part. pero i just hope na tuyaan nila ako nang wala siya.
and dito pumasok si pg.
si pg ay kasama ni nightmare sa sayaw..well, alam niya..he even jokingly said 'i regards lang kita sa kanya" to which, i said na "hwag. pls." and i do mean it. i mean, nightmare's got a beautiful, beautiful gf for goodness' sake. and ANONG ISIPIN NIYA??? fuck.
i thought na hanggang doon lang ang tuyaan. and i'm fairly okay with that. but then, kanina lang.
pg and nightmare were carrying something. we were walking at the field, finding orion's belt. we [nen, niz and me] even counted the 68 stars for 'hydra' daw..
so, ulo sa sky...then, we were talking about orion's belt and stuff.
si pg nagsingit 'oo, si blahbadiblahblahbadibadiblah"i shouted "nice [pg]!"
he said "gly! kilala mo tong sa tabi ko?" i pretended i didn't hear him kasi ba naman, nakakahiya and besides, i can't just say anything. we're not even aquaintaces..omgee.
i just continued to jokingly see 'virgo' and something. and something. then, he said "si [nightmare] oh!" still, i ignored him..i mean, OMGEE..wala ba siyang mata to realize that..i mean, he's a boy for whoever's sake. alam niya dapat ang feeling ng ginaganun..at eto namang si nightmare, ginanahan din....fuck them
to add to my humiliation and to make me really mortified, nizhar even added "gly love [nightmare]" sinigaw niya ha..he shouted. he shouted. he SHOUTED!!!!!
as usual, i just said "HA-HA...FUNNY. CORNY. KAKATAWA KAYO" in a sarcastic way...fuck.

to them, it may sound like a really funny and self-satisfying joke. but for me, it was humiliating. i've never been humiliated that much in my life...IN MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE!!!
FUCK THEM ALL!

i talked to niz to say that they shouldn't have done that. what will he think of me? a stupid girl, who's easy to get, stalker mode na naka crush sa kanya? fuck him

ang galing nilang magpahiya. hindi ako natuwa. ang sarap siguro ng feeling ng magpahiya ng tao no? parang wow, you're so great, you humiliated a person. hail to you. fuck you.

maybe, they'll take this as a joke. maybe pg'll even take this as a joke..make fun of this.
sige, libakin na niya ako..pag usapan niya ako regarding this..if that's how shallow he is..if that's how fucking shallow he is..

sorry for these words pero..i wouldn't thought of these if i wasn't driven to. i was controlling myself to never utter these words but i just can't ayoko namang pupunta sa school tomorrow bearing this. so i have to channel this negative energy, this feeling to something else, para tomorrow, wala nah.

i was saying to nen kanina that i'll comment pg but nevermind. he's not worth my time. fuck him

magalit na siya kung magalit about me saying fuck to him but if he really wanted to tease me, sana ginawa niya nung wala si nightmare. nung hindi niya marinig. kasi iba ang feeling. iba.iba.iba.

palatuya din man ako ba...pero i think i know my limitation...[i think]...grabe naman magpahiya...

at least si hisham, yung twinkling lang gud ng eyes..mga 'connections' between the two of us na nanunuya siya...hindi niya pinapaalam kay nightmare na yun..

i wish hindi na lang ako naging OA...tsk.tsk. kaya ngayon, hindi ko na tlga ipagsasabi ang pangalan ng bago kong crush. NOT EVER...

and to those who think na nagseselos ako sa kay nightmare at gf niya, hindi kaya. it's not denial mode. it's the truth. bakit ako magselos kung ka happy happy nila diba? kung doon siya maka experience ng 'heaven' di doon. paki ko ba?

and. and. pagdating ko pa sa bahay, nadagdagan ang annoyance[??] ko
first:
hindi ako naka bihis sa kwarto...for whoever's sake, kwarto ko yun and i have to move out and find somewhere else to change clothes because my pinsan and the kasambahay were watching tv and they'll just turn their back to show that they're not watching. pero iba. plus my lola won't move when i said 'magbihis ako'...pahhh..annoying.annoying.annoying

second:
sabi ko kay papa, ako na maggamit..pero sige pa rin siya laro

third:
i looked at the mirror and felt a pang of pity at my face. ang pangit-pangit-pangit ko na tlga...i mean, the eyebags, the dark eyebags ruined everything. i said, i should get some proper sleep. but how can i????????? kung papagamitin ako ni papa ng comp at around 10 pm or so? i mean, come on! almost 8 or 9 na ako nakarating, hindi na nga niya ako sinundo, yung guard niya lang..tsk.tsk. tapos, 10 pa ako makagamit..anong oras ako matulog, 3 am??? hindi lang ako nagareklamo....magbabago na ako..dito lang ako magreklamo..anyway, they won't even see this..ayt?

fourth:
the stupid sebo de macho won't open [oo, dami kong peklat]. well, i left it half open kanina because i want it to be opened easily. but dear me, mga pakialamera mga tao dito. they closed the lid shut and i can't open it. fuck. i just threw it...fuck.fuck.

fifth:
well, yung kanina, naiinis pa rin ako. fuck.fuck.fuck.

i can't think of anything happy to say atm..maybe i'll post something happy. if i can. i smile. i smile a lot but inside...well, you don't know. and i don't want you to know.

i can't say atm to be happy. but.............

shit to all who makes my day feel so fucked out. shit to you if you do that to me.

fuck to all who makes my blood boil...

+angry.angry.angry. fuck you!!!!+

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