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welcome to my blog :)) ♥ || blogs for the sake of blogging || enjoys free writing so say hi to grammatical errors ^-^|| blessed to have an amazing best friend, ENNA CYMBELINE GLANG TATO ♥♥ ♥♥ her much.much ^-^ || and a kickass bartender best friend, LORENZO MIGUEL SALAZAR || "busy" but tries to update|| not a fashionista || free-spirited || ♥ laugh || ♥ having fun || ♥ colors || ♥ NBA || ♥ outdoor activities|| ♥TRIMMOC (Tribung MIndanaw Mountaineering Club) Member|| get a glimpse of my twisted mind through my posts || future chemical engineer || ultimately in love with FOOD || chef in the making || will save lives in the future || ♥ life and ultimately, i want to be FOREVER YOUNG ♥
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TALK.

♘♔ i thought my mom already knew me...

Sunday, October 5, 2008 @ 6:56 PM

i thought she already knew me. but i was wrong. i thought that if, anybody in the world knew how important 'that' matter is to me, it's her. but i was so WRONG. they still don't know how important it is to me.

i often said, that a thing is only a big deal if it matters to you. well, IT'S A BIG DEAL FOR ME BECAUSE IT MATTERS A LOT TO ME!!!!!!

i mean, of course, you could kid around 'that' topic with me. but when you can notice that my voice is slowly rising and my temper's going to blow and i'm getting so pikon, you should stop. i do mean STOP..

because when i can't blow up,the heat inside me intensifies. i have to channel it into something. when i can't channel it fully, my mind goes retarted and i'll act like a crazy more like a mental hospital patient. and note, while i'm doing those retarded moves, i'm not talking..

i don't talk. and it's kinda weird.

and until now, she wouldn't understand how i feel!!!!!! rawr. my issue now, is not about 'that' topic anymore. i've gone retarded because i can't shout at her because duh. she's my mom..

my mind is still retarded. shit. why do i want to cry? [i'm sorry for the choice of words for the following] why do i fucking want to cry the shit out of me??????? i can't understand myself.

she's always proving that i'm wrong. that i made stupid fucking choices. that i can't always compete with here intelligence that i'm fucking bobo..that i'm so stupid. i know i'm a moron alright? and i don't need a scenario to prove that!! shit i'm crying. shit. shit. shit. fuck. fuck. fuck..

i don't know if to you, to her or to everybody, the reason for this erupted feeling is fuckingly feeble. i don't care how shit you think this reason is. for me it's a BIG DEAL. and i don't understand why they don't fuckingly understand the shit that i'm feeling.

until now, no one can lighten up my mood because i choose not to lighten up. i chose to stay retarted.

and she still has the mood to get mad at me.

geez..i guess she really didn't know me very well. very, very well. i thought that i don't need to explain myself to my friend [btw, she's my friend] because they won't be needing it. but fuck it. i think i still have to because they don't know me well..

i guess i am that dedicated to 'that' topic..i've got to stop now..all this is making the burden harder to carry.

i hope i can erradicate this feeling when i will sleep and i hope i can cope tomorrow. see ya tomorrow!

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